| The Warrior Princess Guide to Commitment |
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| Written by Lisa Jain Thompson | |
| Tuesday, 25 December 2007 | |
 The Warrior Princess Guide
to Commitment By Lisa Jain Thompson © 1999 -- Revision © 2008
1. The Auckland Sibyl (1) Even you can fall in love, and when it happens, you'll probably want a ceremony or two -- or at least she will, or her parents. There are always parents unless they kicked her out when they found out she was a bard. Make sure she invites Ares -- he'll come anyway- and enjoy the preparations that your significant other will undertake for the wedding. As a Warrior Princess, you have a far easier time than your Little One. All you have to do before the ceremony is hone and shine your sword, clean your leathers (or get new ones if you don't mind killing another living being to clothe yourself), and decide if you want fringes in your hair or braids. Remember you are the dominant one.
Leave the details to the one who knows what she is doing. You'll probably just mess it up anyway and she'll end up in tears or worse and how will that make you feel? Do you like groveling? She's the one who really cares about these things anyway. All you have to do is commit and take her. How hard can that be?  2. Questions (1)
I. What are your expectations? Is she going to do all the cooking? Who buries the garbage? You need to agree on these going in. Are you really going to listen to her recite epic poetry each night after dinner? II. Are you equal partners? Quit laughing. Even if you are still saving her from constant disaster, she still needs to think she's your equal. She is. How good are you at sewing a button on or picking out the correct flowers for the arrangements? Do you know the difference between a daffodil and a pansy? Do you want to go through life making your own cookies or eat hers?
III. Do you make decisions as a couple or do you still go storming off in dark hulks to do what you want to do? You need to listen to her. Weigh all sides of the argument, even the ones that sound so altruistic that you would have your Warrior membership revoked if you followed them.
She may have a point, but remember, the ultimate decision resides with you, The Warrior Princess, and if you have done your job, your Little One won't even argue with your decisions. She won't stop talking, of course, but she won't argue much, at least not publicly, which is all you are concerned about anyway, isn't it?
IV. Do you resolve conflicts easily? With her, not the bad guys (which is a given). Let her win one once in a while. How much can it hurt you as long as you both keep your mouths shut about it. Sometimes a switch is delicious. 3. The Auckland Sibyl (2)
We can assume that you, the Warrior Princess, are satisfied with your emotional intimacy. Your Little One probably isn't. She probably wants to talk more -- processing the day's minutia with you when you'd rather be honing your sword or resting. If you learn to process along with her, however, as painful as that may seem some times, you will find that the physical intimacy you crave will be yours. If you play your cards right, talk a little more, soon she will be talking less and craving the physical intimacy just as much as you do. There's more than one way to shut your Little One up.
4. Food and Drink
Food.
She will probably be wanting something elaborate. If you expect to feast on her later, don't argue. She will want a sit down when you would be satisfied with a lay down, let her. Just insist that you can easily identify whatever food she is serving. No raw fish, dark moldy cheeses, or cute sandwiches that you can put in your mouth in one bite. Tell you want REAL food: something that will give enough energy for the night ahead. Drink. She'll want some bubbly nectar of the gods nonsense. Don't ask why. No one really knows and she won't either, but she still will want it. Don't fight it. You willl only have to drink one glass when you toast each other. Tell her that Warrior Princesses drink mead. When she makes that face at you, hold your ground, especially if the ceremony is held outdoors at the summer solstice. Everyone one else will appreciate your foresight and your Little One will reward you later. The Cake. Do not smash a piece of cake into your Little One's face, no matter how funny the rest of the Warrior Princes and Princesses may think it is. She may pretend to think it's funny then, but she will remember, and you won't find it so amusing later that night. 5. The Auckland Sibyl (3)
No matter what her intentions are now, no matter how many times she will tell you she plans to keep it simple, your Little One will want to wear some expensive thing that she probably won't wear again. She can't help herself. Just remember, the more she dresses up, the more you will probably have to too. Whatever you chose, before you buy it, picture yourself wearing it in front of your fellow warriors. Are they laughing at you? Behind your back or to your face? You are a Warrior Princess. Dress the part.
6. Typical Menu Selections
Your Little One may have different menu choices than you might. Be prepared and be flexible. Remember, you don't actually have to eat the food. Here are some typical menu's. Late Morning/Early Afternoon Brunch Little One
Smoked Salmon Crepes filled with fresh cherries Wild Mushroom Omelets Pastries garnished with edible flowers Wine Warrior Princess
Lucky Charms
Nacho Chips Pepsi Mead Luncheon Reception Little One
Light hors d'oevres
Those funny little sandwiches filled with smoke turkey, mango chutney, crab meat and watercress. Grilled Shrimp or Roasted Quail Wine Warrior Princess
Extra Crispy Fried Chicken
Assorted Chips Pepsi Mead Dinner Reception Little One
Tenderloin of beef au poivre Champagne poached Grilled chicken breast with rosemary, artichokes and lemon Wild rice pilaf Duchesse potatoes Steamed baby vegetables Wine Champagne Warrior Princess
Thin Crust Pizza
Deep Pan Pizza Mac and Cheese Buffalo Wings Pepsi Mountain Dew Mead As you can see, if you let her, your Little One can make what should be an enjoyable experience in something that will take a lot of concentration that I am sure that you would rather be focusing on her. Do you really want to spend your time having to decide what that little fork at the end of the line is for or would you rather be licking something off your fingers? Talk to her. 7. The Auckland Sibyl (4)
Imagine topping off the perfect commitment ceremony. (We'll pause to let you imagine for a while. Done?)
Imagine the night of your dreams along the coastline beneath the stars. Or in a mountain retreat with only you and your Little One for miles.
Imagine a flawless ceremony.
Well it probably won't happen, but do the best you can. You're a Warrior Princess. Try not to break anything.
8. Questions (2)
I. Where will the ceremony be held? Can you reserve the site or do you have to conquer it? II. How many dinars will it take to secure the site? III. What is the cancellation policy if you are injured in battle and unable to attend? Will your Little One get a refund to pay for medical expenses? IV. Is there enough stable space for all of the horses or are you expecting people to walk? Remember Ares, and the rest of the gods, will show up on their own. V. It's time for the ceremony, do you know where Alti and Callisto are? VI. Are you sure you know where Callisto is? 9. The Auckland Sibyl (5)
Alternative and less traditional wedding sites are attractive. Encourage her to experiment. Suggest the ceremony take place on a boat on lake. She'll think you're romantic and the limited space on board will cut down on the number of guests your Little One can invite. A spot where a sentimental moment occurred might make an appropriate place for the ceremony. Battlefields are excluded. If you can't remember a sentimental moment (and you are a Warrior Princess and not necessarily in tune with such things), ask your Little One. She'll know. 10. The Name Thing
Keeping your maiden name
Using both names Hyphentating your names Changing your name You are the Warrior Princess. This is not your problem. Suggest she keep her own. Mrs. Warrior Princess sounds silly and Little One-Warrior Princess, worse.
Besides, don't you want her to have a career and keep bringing the dinars in? This is 500 B.C.E. Get with the program. 11. The Auckland Sibyl (6)
You are going to have to invite her parents, you know, even meet them probably. Even talk to them eventually. They are going to know that YOU are the one that has stolen their little girl's heart. Deal with it. Be up front and admit you are a Warrior Princess and their daughter has won your heart and protection. They probably have a good idea anyway.
If you want to invite all your old war buddies, tell her. Just make sure that you don't spend the entire reception trading stories with them and ignoring her. She knows where your sword is and can probably use it almost as well as you can when she's angry. 12. Music
Whatever. Just don't sing and no karaoke.
13. Dancing
You're going to have to dance so shut up about it. You're going to dance with your Little One unless you want all the other Warriors to dance with her all night.
You're probably going to have to dance with her father too. He will be as ill at ease as your are. Most likely you are the first Warrior Princess he has ever danced with. Act normally and try not to lead. 14. The Kiss
Keep it short (at least the public one at the end of the ceremony). You have to maintain your Warrior Princess image. If your Little One wants to shower you with kisses, that's to be expected. But try to maintain some decorum. You don't want the other Warriors to whisper that you are bard whipped or the non-warriors and family members to become self-conscious and embarrassed. And under no circumstances, no matter how tired she is or how much champagne she may have drunk, should you allow your Little One to dance naked on the head table while reciting poetry she is channeling from Sappho. She will, you know, if given the chance. Make sure you keep firm control of her. 15. The Auckland Sibyl (7)
Don't surprise your Little One with any new toys on your wedding night. She'll be nervous enough without seeing that new leather saddlehorn you picked up from New Goddess Vibrations.
Stick to the tried true: precious oils, silk scarves, and scented candles. She will appreciate your attention to detail and respond accordingly.
Remember you are the Warrior Princess. Your Little One knows that and expects certain things from you. Provide them and she will be happy. And above all, no whips, at least not on the first night. 
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| Last Updated ( Tuesday, 25 December 2007 ) |
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